yep, I'm living the dream alright

I don't know if I'm more amused by the colleague who keeps raving about this fabulous "vegan tofu" she found, or by the other one who is totally repulsed by the very notion of "vegan tofu".

Oh well. At least no one wanted to know what my grapefruit was made of.

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After four days of no coffee, I miss it. Very much. I don't just miss the taste and the smell, I also miss how much faster I bike in the morning when I have a nice vanilla soy latte hanging off my handlebars. Chai is good, but it's just not the same, and it takes me four full minutes longer to bike in in the mornings now.

adventures in Maomisitting V

Dear Mom and Dad:

Don't worry, I am fine. Physically, that is. Emotionally, it's a little rough right now: I appear to have not only developed some kind of Stockholm Syndrome-like affection for the guards here, especially the tall loud one, but I am also having to come to grips with the fact that despite all my skulking and sneaking and batting at that glass enclosure, the little orange prisoners remain captive, and I have failed at my mission.

I wish I could write more, as I miss you so, but I am so despondent over this that the only thing to do is go eat a big bowl of that junky food the big one and the older one seem to enjoy so much, and then sit in a corner crying quietly to myself until it is time for me to go home.

Love you, miss you, et à bientot...

xxx
Maomi la Minoune



_________________________________________

Caffeine-free sucks. I do not buy this green-tea-coffee-substitute crap. Not one bit.

adventures in Maomisitting IV

Dear Mom and Dad:

Don't worry, I am fine. As you can see I got myself into a bit of a situation when the big one caught me snooping, but I worked my way out of it. I tried to play innocent about it too when the tall loud one questioned me later, but alas, they have security cameras here that caught the whole thing, and now my cute-harmless-kitten cover has been blown. I will have to think very, very carefully about my next move.

I have been assigned a new work detail as punishment for the above fiasco. I am now working in the mechanical engineering department, maintaining the personal transport device the tall loud one uses when she goes off to her other job. I am considering tampering with the brakes, but I am worried that there may be security cameras monitoring my activities there, too. In fact, it's entirely possible that someone may also be monitoring my correspondence. Hello, nice security people! By "tampering with the brakes" really I meant decorating things with flowers and sunshine! Oh yes!

I must go now. Trust no one.

Love you, miss you...

xxx
Maomi la Minoune

____________________________________

I think I might do it. I finished the coffee this morning. I think I might see how long I can make it before I buy another.

I am fucking terrified.

adventures in Maomisitting III

Dear Mom and Dad:

Please don't worry, despite the photo below I am still fine. As you can see I have made a small amount of progress in my mission: Remember yesterday when I mentioned three guards watching over the orange prisoners? Late last night, I managed to overpower the tall loud one, using only my feline wiles. Attempts to exfoliate her into submission with my tongue failed, but not by much. I think tonight I will wait until a little bit later and hope she is more tired than last night; she seems to be moonlighting somewhere else during the day, but as you know this is my quiet time of rest and personal reflection, so I am unable to take advantage of this opportunity.

Speaking of rest, I must get more so I am fresh and strong and focused for tonight's operation. Wish me luck!

Love you, miss you

xxx
Maomi la Minoune

adventures in Maomisitting II

Dear Mom and Dad:

Don't worry, I am still fine. I have been upgraded to a private room, perhaps due to the importance of my mission. It's a decent room, with an eating area and my own litter box, and I'm happy enough to spend my days resting and reflecting quietly on my mission and my life in such peace and privacy. At night when I am out working I suspect the bigger one is sneaking into my room and trying to use my litter box, but it is a very fancy thing with a tunnel-like entrance and she's just too big to make it.

The mission is progressing more slowly than I would like. Every night I go out and walk around and try to look inconspicuous as I investigate this glass enclosure, and every night I am stopped repeatedly by the guards. One of them isn't always paying attention, so I get close sometimes, but then I'm always caught in the act -- there are three guards, and the tall loud one has busted me so many times that she stationed the oldest one to be on constant watch now. I don't think I'm supposed to have noticed that, because the watch station is a good ten feet or more from the enclosure, but I'm smarter than they think. I am. It's true.

Anyways, I should get going. Miss you lots, love you more...

xxx

Maomi la Minoune

____________________________

Normally I have no problem going places as a vegan. Hell, I even managed to get a vegan meal at a steakhouse a few weeks ago (I didn't point that out to them in case they took it off the menu, but dammit, I did it). However, the next time I decide to go to the amusement park for a full day of fun and a hell of a lot of walking without packing a good vegan lunch, please remind me of the moment seen below, when a mouthful of the world's worst pasta and some chips and some watery flavorless cucumber salad left me so nauseous that even standing in line for the observation desk make me want to vomit, die, and then vomit some more, and ruined the rest of my day, and all because I forgot my lunch and the falafel guy ran out of falafel.

adventures in Maomisitting

Dear Mom and Dad:

Don't worry, I am fine. Things are better than I expected: We have heated shelter and fresh water, but the sleeping arrangements are still a bit muddled. It'll work itself out though, I'm sure. The other cats are mostly treating me well: The old one seems fairly mellow and sleeps all the time, which means I do more work around camp, but one day I'll be old too and then it'll be my turn to nap all day. The big one seems unsure of what to make of me and gets a little too close for comfort sometimes and that scares me, so I try to stay out of her way, but I'm also very curious about such a large beast and sometimes I can't help sneaking up to have a sniff around or to say hello and see what happens. So far she hasn't liked that very much either. Hopefully one day we can be friends though.

I had my mission assigned to me last night. I can't talk about it in too much detail, but it involves liberating some little orange prisoners being held in a glass enclosure full of water. So far my efforts have been for naught, so it's a bit frustrating, but I will keep trying until I succeed -- I am nothing if not persistent. I owe that to you, Mom and Dad. You taught me well.

I miss you both very much, and love you both even more!

xxx
Maomi la Minoune

the first step is admitting you have a problem

It’s really late Wednesday night, after midnight actually so I guess it’s Thursday morning. I’m standing in my kitchen, boiling water to make another pot of tea, because I will look for any reason to procrastinate even if I’m on or past deadline with any of my projects, and I’m looking around, and thinking about cleaning the coffee pot and my travel mug so I don’t have to do these things tomorrow morning, and a thought occurs to me.

A very, very scary thought.

There was once a time that I didn’t need to do these things every day, because I wasn’t allowed to have any coffee at all during the week, only tea.

It seems drastic, I know, but I was only drinking half as much coffee on weekends as I do now, and somehow I was still getting through the week. Granted, I was going out a lot less than I do now, and not juggling even half as many commitments as I am now, so I was getting way more sleep, but still. And yeah, for a while that was because I was on medication that interacted very badly with caffeine, and I stupidly chose to continue taking it during the week and give myself drug holidays on weekends so it wouldn’t build up too much in my system, and then I thought carefully about that and stopped taking it altogether. And yeah, I know that ever since I’ve been self-medicating seven days a week with coffee, but it could be worse, because so many other people who should be on this drug self-medicate with various combinations of marijuana and cocaine or speed instead, or gambling, or cutting, or anorexia, or any other of a number of much more dangerous things than a simple, rich, dark roast, finely ground and steam pressure brewed with a good thick crema on top. And yeah, I’m well aware that this is just one of the signs that perhaps, just maybe, there’s the slightest of chances that I could possibly be addicted to the stuff, and addiction is a sign of weakness, and blah blah blah I’m a bad person.

__________________________________

It’s now Thursday afternoon. I punked out. I’m still on the bean, but still only one cup a day. It would be nice to lose my taste for it and cut it out entirely. It would also be nice to live in Vancouver and be a hippie and go to bed at 8pm so I can get up at five to go for a hike. We all know that’s just not going to happen.

__________________________________

Dear Smallest Cat:

You can play dumb all you like. The feathers caught in your fur behind your ears tell me that you might indeed have something to do with the tear in my duvet.

Sincerely,
The Human