the wheels on my bike go round and round, round and round, round and - oops

My front tire has been giving me a bit of trouble lately. I had a full tune-up about a month ago, and had that tire replaced, and at first everything was fine but as soon as I put air in the new tire for the first time, it started going flat pretty quickly - after 25K or so, I would start to feel my rims hitting every damn pothole, which meant that I was putting air in the tire at least once a day. The plan at first was to go back to the store that did the tune-up and complain, and then it was to skip the hassle of the store and take it in to a bike collective tomorrow afternoon and learn how to fix it myself, and just put up with the inconvenience for one more day.

So I'm up on time this morning, and it's a gorgeous sunny morning, and I'm looking forward to getting on my bike and heading down to the yoga studio, so I sail through all the stuff I usually do in the morning, pack up my backpack, and off I go. After not being on my bike at all since Friday, the tire was very nearly flat, so I decided to play it safe, and walk it rather than ride it to the gas station to put air in that tire, and thank god I made that decision, because less than three blocks from home, the tire completely fell off the wheel and the wheel stopped turning. Unfortunately, the bike is currently my main mode of transport, and as there are no bike repair shops close enough to carry it to now that the wheels don't turn, I realize very quickly that my only real option is to carry it home, and figure out how to fix it myself, fast.

Thank god for the internet. Less than an hour later, I have the front wheel off, the tire separated from the tube, and I'm upstairs with both, getting a second pair of eyes to look for the problem, because I've looked repeatedly and can't find it. Finally, after a little experiment in the bathroom sink, we find the pinhole in the tube next to where it had been folded a bit inside the tire, and after a bit more digging around online, I conclude that my best bet is a trip to Mountain Equipment Co-op.

I had never been to MEC before, and honestly, I wish someone had warned me. It's in the middle of nowhere, it's big, it's a little scary at first, and your eyes take a few minutes to adjust to the light, but once they do, look out - this place is like the Ikea of outdoor equipment. Not in the sense that it's big, or far away from anywhere else, or that you can buy parts and assemble things yourself if you're so inclined, because it is all of these things too, but in the sense that it's so very, very easy to spend money in this place. But at least now I have the lights I'm supposed to have for biking after dark (Yay! No more curfew!), and a shiny red bell to give clueless pedestrians a warning shot with.

So I get all my stuff, and as it turns out it's actually cheaper to buy a new tube than it is to patch the old one, and I leave, and after waiting 40 minutes for a bus that some jerk elbowed me about 800 times on, I get home, and get to work on my bike. I very quickly get the tube changed, put the wheel back on, add the new lights, and move the lock bracket up a bit while I'm at it so I can use my water bottle holder again, and now that I'm on a roll, I decide to go ahead and patch the old tube anyhow, so at least I'll have it as a spare (I bought a patch kit to keep in my bag for emergencies). I go back to the amazing website I found that shows step-by-step how to do all this kind of thing for those of us who have previously just paid someone else to do it, and that's when I come across the following instruction:

4. Let the glue dry fully. Really! This kind of glue, also called contact cement, must dry completely before applying the patch. Many people are confused about this and do strange things including setting the glue on fire!

People have been setting the glue on fire?! Enough that the website felt it necessary to specifically mention this as a "don't"? Why on earth would anyone think that fire could possibly be of any help in mending a puncture? When they tear their favorite jeans, do they pull out the blowtorch? What if, god forbid, you're in bed with one of these people and the condom breaks? What happens then? It just doesn't bear thinking about, but I can't help it - it's like those paper FedEx envelopes that have printed on the back in large letters "Do not ship blood." I can't help wanting to know the story behind that, if for no other reason than to have confirmation that I am not, in fact, the dimmest and most bumbling fool on the planet.

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Lloyd Robertson just pointed out that tomorrow's date is 666. I was about to curse him for telling me this, because I've never had a Friday the 13th that didn't end badly and I can't imagine a 666 being any better, when the old coot leaned in, raised his eyebrows, and added "the number of the Devil himself!," and now I can't stop giggling. Just take a look at this picture of him, and you'll get an idea of the effect. Damn you, Lloyd Robertson, for both scaring me and giving me the giggles, and now I won't be sure why I won't get to sleep tonight. Damn you to hell.