you know, there are starving cats in Ethiopia who would love to have your kibble - why don't I just send it to them?

Dear Smallest Cat:

I apologize for not making this clear earlier, but when I bring the food home from the store, it's actually ready to eat. What this means is that when I fill your bowl with kibble, there is no real need to remove it from the bowl, one bit at a time, and chase it throughout the house until you decide to put it out of its misery.

On a related note, I am sure you have noticed that when your bowl is empty, I generally do refill it with food. As such, there is absolutely no need to hide bits of food here and there in places so obscure that I can't even get to them with my weekly cleaning, especially when you forget they are there and we only find them again by following the trail of ants. And while we are on the topic, would you happen to have any idea what might have happened to the ant trap that disappeared from the living room? I hope you haven't hidden that with your food, because it will definitely make you sick. If the trap should happen to find its way back to its place before I wake up tomorrow, then I'll ask no questions, and we shall never speak of this again.

Sincerely,
The Human.